The clock says its true

So the fear is that others will think that theres something wrong with me. But the only person who I would really care- if they thought that- would be Jason. And even him. I believed I was perfectly sane when I wasnt. When my mom told me I was seriously mentally ill I laughed. When the state declared me seriously mentally ill and I got a certified letter after being in a mental hospital being observed, I still felt sane. But I definitely felt insane after that. Im grateful for that suffering. Its as deep as it gets. And allows me to be grateful for every day. To judge not. Including myself. I do have to pee. And I want to smoke more pot. I may just. And then take a shower. I have that nagging anxiety about Kris. But I guess I will just feel that. Because nothing, no drugs or alcohol can cure that. Alcohol probably could. But its not worth trying. Im sure the valium will kick in soon. Im listening to float notes.