Red Tide Retired

Rip Tide Retired: A Hilariously Weird Florida Mystery (Gumbo Malone Mysteries Book 1)

He traded middle management for mangroves, but murder followed him to Florida...

Daniel "Gumbo" Malones meticulously planned life imploded the day SunCoast Insurance "strategically realigned" him out of a job, complete with a misspelled retirement cake and exploding khakis. Facing a future of early-bird specials and existential dread, Gumbo does what any sensible man pushing fifty with a severance check and a midlife crisis would do: he buys a questionably seaworthy boat named "Second Wind" and relocates to the quirky, end-of-the-road fishing village of Cedar Key, Florida.

Paradise, however, has other plans. Egged on by a rum-fueled marina bum named Flip Wiggins (who claims dubious ties to both Navy SEALs and Miami Vice), Gumbo transforms from downsized desk jockey to fledgling Private Investigator. His first case? Recovering a kidnapped lawn flamingo named Mr. Pinky. But Gumbos attempt at inconspicuous surveillance quickly goes sideways, involving fire ants, a potentially lethal wardrobe malfunction, and accidentally witnessing what looks suspiciously like a body being disposed of.

Things get weirder (it is Florida, after all) when Gumbo receives cryptic notes suggesting the notorious (and incarcerated) "Palm Frond Killer," Teddy "The Confessor" Williams, is actually innocent. Suddenly, Gumbo is tangled in a case far exceeding flamingo retrieval. Aided by his enigmatic, iguana-toting librarian neighbor Margot and hampered by Flips uniquely chaotic investigative techniques (including golf cart syrup heists ), Gumbo must navigate:

• A new killer who communicates via annotated crime scene photos, sabotages Gumbos boat, and leaves increasingly bizarre, glitter-bombed murder scenes.
• An obsessive fan club ("Fronds of Teddy") prone to mini-golf brawls involving inflatable alligators.
• A skeptical detective (Sonya Martinez) who is initially unimpressed by Gumbos "actuarial crime analysis".
• Teddy the Confessor himself, who seems more interested in merchandising rights for "Confessor Ted" teddy bears than proving his own innocence.
• A potential suspect linked to Gumbos own corporate past.
• Florida itself: featuring red tides, escaped zoo animals (or maybe just misplaced pets), bizarre tourist traps, and a general level of absurdity that defies explanation.

From disastrous stakeouts to Everglades excursions gone wrong, from infiltrating corporate offices to hiding inside unfinished taxidermy, Gumbo lurches from one hilarious mishap to the next. Can this accidental PI untangle the truth behind the Palm Frond murders before the real killer adds "Swamp Detective" to his list of victims?

Fans of Carl Hiaasen, Tim Dorsey, and Laurence Shames will devour this fast-paced, laugh-out-loud funny mystery. If you love quirky characters, sharp satire, and a Florida setting so weird it has to be true (mostly), dive into Rip Tide Retired today!

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